Almost 2 years ago I was gifted with the most beautiful little terroriser I had ever laid my eyes on. She was perfect from day one and since then has blossomed into the most wonderful little girl.
Now I am going to be brutally honest with you........becoming a parent has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life especially suffering with depression and there's been a few times when I thought 'shit, what the hell have I done, I can't do this'. Luckily those times have been very few and far between. Though I have only been a mother for 2 years it has taught me so much! Most importantly and prehaps most oddly don't lose yourself.
There are so many pressures on new parents to become this social ideal of a great mother or father. It's almost like you have to close the door on who you are and become this homemaking, soccer mum/dad who doesn't do anything unless it revolves around their child. Now don't get me wrong, my child comes first above all else, she is my life, my priority, my world. What I'm trying to say is becoming a parent doesn't mean you have to change who you are or stop doing the things you enjoy.
Yes you do become more responsible as you are now in charge of a little life but that doesn't mean your life has to stop. You can still go to watch live bands, have a few beers with your friends, go to a festival, lunch with the girls, go protest your rights, go to your mates for a curry night and still be the person you always were.
I say this because before I had my beautiful terroriser, I had a lot of friends who would say what a laugh I was and would invite me everywhere and always want me in their company. Since having her, a lot of them have distanced themselves because, as a mother, I should be at home not out with them. It almost became inappropriate for me to have fun, enjoy things and be myself. Now don't get me wrong as it stands I go out maybe once a month at the very most, and I'm not talking partying because quite frankly I'm too old for that shit! Things like seeing some of my favourite local bands play (most of them are friends anyway), round a friends for a curry night, lunching with the ladies that may turn to an evening tipple and gossip and once a year I treat myself to a day festival(slamdunk-which after this year, I fear I have grown too old for). And where's my poor neglected child whilst I'm out doing this you ask? She is safe, well and happy with her gorgeous father or her wonderful grandparents if me and her dadzig are out together.
I have also experienced this negativity as a singer, dancer and burlesque performer. "What on earth would your child think of you". Ok to begin with she's 2, unless mummy is twirling pictures of frozen on her breasts she probably won't care. Secondly, so what??? I want my girl to look at me and be proud, I'm proud of what I do so why wouldn't she be? It is not a negative thing unless you make it negative. By demeaning such a thing you are saying that women should be ashamed of their bodies when in actual fact I'm damn proud of my body and I want my daughter to grow up and be damn proud of herself, her body and whatever she decides to do in life. If I were to quit burlesque because I'm now a mother, what lesson would that teach my daughter? It would teach her that she should quit the things she loves because a close minded individual frowned upon it. It would teach her to back down against those that stand against her.
I don't want her to ever do that, I want her to stand tall and be proud, fight for her rights, her loves, her passions. If there are certain things in life that are not accepted by others and if she wanted to enter those worlds, should she hide and be ashamed? No she should hold her head up high and say "I'm doing what I love, I'm happy and healthy so screw you"!
I do agree there is a fraction of society that does not accept this but thankfully I feel the open minded, positive individuals are beginning to stand up for what's right and are slowly outweighing the negative ones.
I'm blabbing now, but the point is don't give yourself up because of others' insecurities. Love yourself for you and your children will love you for you too!
And don't let anyone tell you that just because you are now a parent you shouldn't be doing x, y or z. For starters we are all human and need some 'me time' and why shouldn't you? You deserve it! Being a parent is incredibly hard and you deserve those few hours to do what you enjoy.
Also it should be more reason to do the things you love, to show your children to stand up and be proud of themselves and their achievements by showing them how proud you are of yourself.
I love this girl more than life itself but it's ok to have a time out and when you do and you return back to that smiling face........well, that's an indescribable feeling! She is my world and I'm still me! xXx
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