What a gruesomely morbid topic, many of you may be thinking!
I'm thinking what a fascinating inevitability that is feared and ignored by so many yet it is the one thing that WILL happen to us all!
I'm thinking what a fascinating inevitability that is feared and ignored by so many yet it is the one thing that WILL happen to us all!
(I have attached some sites that I think make an interesting and compelling read)
I used to be very blasé about death. It's an inevitability and "meh" who cares, I've got years before I have to think about that.
Unfortunately death came quite early for me. At the age of 18 I started working in my local hospital. I'm now in my 30's and I'm still working there so it's safe to say I'm around death quite a bit. In my 20's I lost a couple of friends to suicide and a few more to cancer. My Aunt was lost to cancer and a person (whom will lose their life if I ever find them) took my 4 beautiful cats from me by poisoning them. All of this really shook me up and I began to wonder and really start to question my own mortality.
Unfortunately death came quite early for me. At the age of 18 I started working in my local hospital. I'm now in my 30's and I'm still working there so it's safe to say I'm around death quite a bit. In my 20's I lost a couple of friends to suicide and a few more to cancer. My Aunt was lost to cancer and a person (whom will lose their life if I ever find them) took my 4 beautiful cats from me by poisoning them. All of this really shook me up and I began to wonder and really start to question my own mortality.
After the birth of my beautiful terroriser, I became insanely terrified of death. This was partly due to my depression, but mainly having a child, creating life itself, and knowing YOU are responsible for the life of another, throws you into this sense of self preservation. In order to care for this tiny new baby I have to be well and alive! If I die who will care for her? Who will give her the love only a mother can give? Who will teach her how to plait her hair and tie her shoes? Who will she come to for advice? Who will be there to hold her through pain and sorrow? I don't want to leave my child or boyfriend alone in this world. I was suddenly surrounded by this overwhelming fear of death and I used to lay awake thinking about it. It worried the crap out of me!
Over the last 3 years those fears have settled, I have once again accepted that death WILL come but unlike my younger self who shrugged it off, I have a newfound respect for it. Yes it is an awful thing to think about but it really boils down to fear of the unknown. To embrace this I started to think at what would happen if I did die. I know my loved ones would grieve but that pain would eventually fade and they would move on with their lives and hopefully live a happy and fulfilled life without me. I'm not saying we ever, truly get over the death of a loved one but we learn to live with it. We carry it but still move forward. It started to occur to me that I was looking at it all wrong. I shouldn't fear death, I should embrace it. I shouldn't worry about dying, I should concentrate on living. I want to watch my beautiful girl grow into an amazing, beautiful woman and I want her to be happy as I am, and as my mother is and as her mother is.
That is all that we can really ask for........a happy and fulfilled life. If we have that then what is there to fear? I'm not saying a long life, sadly we don't all get that, what I'm saying is the time we do get is happy and fulfilling and what we want it to be.
That is all that we can really ask for........a happy and fulfilled life. If we have that then what is there to fear? I'm not saying a long life, sadly we don't all get that, what I'm saying is the time we do get is happy and fulfilling and what we want it to be.
One of my friends who was lost to cancer, planned her own funeral. If she was going to leave us, she was going to do it in the way she wanted, to the music she wanted, with the people she wanted and with the pinkest coffin you ever saw! I'm not saying that it is nice to face your own mortality but honestly I think it is something we should all do.
We should talk about death with our loved ones, share our feelings and thoughts of what we want to happen when our time arrives, what they can do to help us and in our final moments we can appreciate what has been, how we've lived and know that even though we are leaving, the people that remain will take comfort and solace knowing they have honoured our wishes.
I'm not saying any of this will make it any less painful to lose someone you love but it will take some of that guilt and anguish of your shoulders knowing you gave them everything they wanted and when they are finally laid to rest, they are truly at rest.
Let's talk about death, let's embrace death, let your loved ones know what you wish for when your time comes and in turn, ask them what they wish for. Honour each others wishes and in the end you will all find true peace.
Fyi I want my organs donated and my body returned to the ground. Feed me to the worms, let the circle of life continue and plant roses where I lay........................ Or, preferably I want to be entombed and preserved like an Egyptian mummy, buried amongst my riches (my onitsuka tiger trainers and bloody mary metal rings) in a gigantic pyramid in the centre of Basingstoke! Yeah that will do it!
This first link is a brilliant insight into a persons final moment in a hospital setting and how you can help those moments to be comfortable, peaceful and somewhat dignified:
This second link is so powerful and really struck a cord with me. In one of my darkest hours my boyfriend was simply there. He didn't say anything, he just held me and was right beside me. At that moment, what he did was perfect......the people that said to me "everything happens for a reason" ignited such a deep rage in me because in those dark moments, reason is just not an acceptable thing:
This link is simply a beautiful collection of photos taken before and after the death of a person and like I have seen many times on the hospital ward or visiting family or friends that have just passed, there is a graceful serenity in how they look. Sleeping peacefully, no pain, no struggle, nothing but peace:
