Dear Mummy

Dear Mummy,

Today you will only be permitted one cup of hot tea, to hug, you will not drink it unless it is stone cold but don't worry, you'll eventually learn to tolerate it.

You will only be allowed to eat two spoonfuls of your cereal (whilst they are still crunchy) the rest you can have forty minutes or so later when they are mushy and soggy.

I have not yet decided whether or not I will allow you to break for lunch. That decision will entirely depend on your performance as my entertainment monkey.

You will only be permitted to pee in peace once today. If nature calls at any other point during the day I will time you to see how quickly you can do your business and return to me. Remember if you must go, you are required to shout and communicate with me at all times or take me with you. Your choice.

When I blow raspberries at you during mealtimes you must smile and enjoy it. Pay no attention to the mess that's made.
It would be advisable for you to wear a plain old t-shirt as I may decide to throw up on you. This will entirely depend on the quality of food you give me and your ability to successfully wind me, so in essence, if vomiting occurs it's technically your fault.

You will enjoy the game of "I'm a little octopus" that we shall play every time you change me and try to redress me. I find this game highly amusing which is why I like to play it so much.

Remember through all this I love you and I'm trying to make your day more entertaining.

Have a wonderful day, enjoy it and good luck xxx

To my darling daughter,

Despite being a terroriser, I will allow the above because you are cute and I love you............and really you give me no choice in the matter :) xxx