The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters

What a wonderfully expressive title!
The sleep of reason produces monsters, is one of my all time favourite pieces of art. It is an etching created in 1799 by an artist named Francisco Goya.
The meaning of the etching holds an entirely different reason to me, than Goya had intended to portray but the underlying fundamental principles are relatively the same.

When I view the picture I am instantly drawn to the dark monsters swooping in towards the sleeper and the dark creatures lying in wait, staring with daggered eyes, both at the sleeper and staring out at the viewer. It is an uneasy feeling but not one that is completely foreign to me. 

You see the title itself holds a lot of explanation. The sleep of reason........if you allow your logical reasoning to be suppressed, your imagination starts pushing through and running wild and therefore........produces monsters.

Depression has an overbearing urge to produce monsters, it's an absolute bastard like that. The most irrational and disturbing thoughts and feelings burst through, worst of which are guilt and shame. They really are the worst two feelings produced when your logical mind begins to crumble and your depressive hell-demons awaken. It's hard to describe to someone who has never been through it themselves or who doesn't have a close connection with someone who has, just how irrational your thought processes can be and that there really is nothing you can do about them.

I remember when I first had my little terroriser, I suffered with post natal depression and for the first time in my life I suffered panic attacks. Let me just say my heart goes out to anyone that suffers from panic attacks. Thankfully that was the first and hopefully the last time I had those and they are horrific. So to all you sufferers out there, I send my biggest hugs, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to get them on a regular basis. Mine were brought on initially by the depression. The depression stripped me of my reason, which sent my mind into overdrive and the monsters began to appear. Basically it was stupid things like, my lovely partner saying he would be home relatively early (in my mind that's around 6ish) and him not showing up until 8. The monsters would drive me to thinking he had been killed in an accident on the way home or something horrific like that and I would literally melt down and have a panic attack.

This lack of reasoning happens a lot in depression generally. My partner would be a bit quiet (having an off day as most people do) and I would instantly feel guilty and ashamed because in my head I had caused him to be down, it was my fault he was being quiet and withdrawn. I would then proceed to run around after him doing whatever I could to rectify the problem or cheer him up and just generally attempt to fix the problem "I" had caused. Really all the problem was, he was just having an off day and in actual fact it had nothing, what so ever, to do with me. Still that sleep of reason makes you think EVERYTHING is your fault.

The reason I love this depiction so much is because now that I am better in myself, I can look at it and see that irrationality behind it. When my depression plays up I look at this picture and think 'NO, You will not get the better of me and I will think logically and rationally' and in actual fact that helps me to keep those awful traits of depression at bay. Mainly because I can see how irrational it is, which means I have the ability to change my thought process.

For anyone who suffers from depression if you can find something you can hold onto, to keep you in the logical world and stop you being dragged into the neurotic, crazy, guilt ridden world, then I suggest you hold on to it as tight as you can. That one tiny thing, whatever it may be (for me it's just a picture) can really help to fight back those illogical thoughts, awaken your reasoning and keep those monsters at bay.